Commander Keen vs. The Teensies

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Book from Keen 1

'Commander Keen vs. The Teensies' was all done all in one thread at the old PCKF, with each person writing the next few sentences. Contributors include: big-buff chicken, CB, Cho'gall, Deadman, Dr. Zingers, eK, Flash4, forge, FoX, Ilsoap, Jeff250, Justin, Korath, Korath the Great, ~Matt~, Moradi hassan, Mr.Director, Pimento, Snortimer, Steven, Striker, Thea, thenewspaz, Vector, VF4588, Volte-Face, and wonkeyzonkey. The whole story was then edited and uploaded to Cerebral Cortex by Flaose.

Part One

Commander Keen and Santa Claus were walking through Central Park in Metro City. Suddenly, some muggers start harassing innocent bystanders! And rabid monkeys start advancing on Spot, his pet Yorp! So Keen pulled his Hyperpistol out, wildly shooting at everything that moves. Monkeys, muggers, and several people who just happened to be walking by collapse, due to Keen's intervention. But accidently, our hero also shot Santa Claus! What will he do? Thinking hard, Commander Keen remebered someone who could help. Keen gets into his Bean-with-Bacon Megarocket to fly to planet Maalky in search of a potion that will save our Jolly Friend.

He arrives in a dark forest, surrounded by mutated creatures! Keenn ruthlessly blasted his way through the Barfadian Thusslewigs and Entor Wazzors. All of a sudden, in the heat of battle, he sees five dark figures vaporize the remaining monsters, they stepped modestly out of the darkness, revealing that they were a detachment of the 21st Vorticon Elite Platoon, who were among the Vorticons he saved back on Vorticon VI. "It has been a long time." said the first Vorticon. "Indeed it has been, indeed it has been." Commander Keen replied. "How may we be of help to you?" "Could you tell me where exactly I could find the Maalky Potion Master?" "Oh!!! He's dead..." "DEAD!? This is just my luck," our hero groans, "I travel seven billion light years, all the way to Maalky, on a yet to be upgraded Warp-Gate, and the Potion Master is dead!?" One of the Vorticon elite began thinking very hard for a short while, than said, "I suppose that the Hakulash on Zaphoandorg Prime would be able to save the Potion Master...but it is a dangerous journey." "I live for danger!" Keen called, running back to his ship. "Thanks for your help!"

Keen fired up his Bean-with-Bacon Megarocket and set off for Zaphoandorg Prime. Halfway there, an alarm sounded: "Out of Fuel". Keen's only hope was to perform an emergency landing on the nearest planet, which the intergalactic maps told him was named Blackrock V...

Down his ship went, but Keen could control the Bean-with-Bacon no longer. His vessel hit the ground, barely averting destruction.


"That hurt." Keen complained. A small being approached Keen. "I am part of the tribe of the Teensies. Come with me." It said. Keen curiously followed. Sometime, during his journey, Keen was approached by a Cow. "MOO." It said. "Nice Cow," remarked Keen to the Teensy "Moo. Moo. Moo." "Ah, SHUDDAP!" yelled our hero.

Keen, who was beggining to get annoyed at the small steps of the small being, picked up the Teensy and put him on his shoulder. "Woaah!" the small being echoed in Keen's ear. Keen smiled and began to run. The small being grabbed on tight on Keens shirt. "Make a Left" the small being uttered with a bumpy conotation. Keen turned left but stopped ubrubtly as he came to an edge of a cliff. Commander Keen peered over the cliff..."Holy Vorticons!" he shouted. As Keen looked over the edge he saw millions of the Teensy people in a Coliseum formation..all circling a older Teensy who wass resting on some type of a chair with a staff in one hand. Keen took control of the situation at hand. "Who is the ugly guy in the middle?" Keen asked. "He is are mighty ruler the Arglofe!" Teensy being answered. "Is he..." but Keen got cut off short, as the Arglofe had started to yell at him. "I am the mighty Arglofe, and you are under arrest!" the Arglofe spoke harshly. "I am..but...but..." Keen could say no more for the Teensy jumped off his shoulders and shoved him off the cliff. Keen fell downward, screaming and wailing. While falling head over heels, he noticed that the beyond the clearing, at the bottom of the cliff with the Teensies, there were several other cliffs.











In a hasteful attempt to save himself from dying.. Keen whips the pogo stick from a harness on his back, shoves it beneath himself and closes his eyes...Only to bounce off a rock and bonk himself on the head.

Keen wakes up in a dirty prision cell with scratches and brusies all over him and one big headache. He takes a metal container he found in his cell and starts hitting the iron bars. "WARDEN!!!!" A rather puny looking Teensy comes towards him from the darkness. "What do you want?!" "Could I get some aspirin here? I have a headache the size of Montana." "What's aspirin? Who's Montana?" "Never mind." Keen started rubbing his head. The chances of escape seemed to be quite minimal. It was just him and his pogo stick in a fairly cramped cell. But wait! It couldn't be hopeless! He was Commander Keen, Defender of the Universe! He had an IQ of 314! He had a massive headache! He also had a plan. "Oh Teensie warden, would you come here for a second please?" Commander Keen asked. The tiny being walked over to Commander Keen's cell, puffing a tiny little cigar. "Yeah," the warden began. "What do you-"


With one mighty flick of his index finger and thumb, Keen had defeated the warden! He reached for his cell's keys, which lay right next to the fallen warden. Now, he was off to get his Hyperpistol! Suddenly, an even tinier Teensy came toward him from out of nowhere. He should have been easy to defeat. But the Teensy was growing! A Growing Ray was shooting out of the wall! So Keen, with his ingenious logic, stepped into the beam too. since there was now two people in the ray, its over-loaded and exploded! The tinier Teensy is killed. Keen ran down a tunnel to his left. For a wile all he could see was the floor, but then a dim light in the distance came into view. After a few minutes he had reached the light. The light was a torch lying abandoned on the floor. "This could be useful in a place like this" Keen said to himself quietly...

Part Two

Meanwhile, Commander Keen's pet Yorp was still standing in the middle of the park, trying to revive Santa. "Yoo hoo! Santa! Wake up!" (Spot had learned to speak English during his time with Keen.) "Come on man! Snap out of it!!! Listen, fat boy, there's only so much I can do since nature didn't give me arms. WAKE UP!!!!" Suddenly, from the dense foliage of the park, a wrinkled old man steps out. He whips open his trenchcoat. "Would you like to buy a watch?" "Does it look like I have hands to put one on? Go away!" Santa stirred with a groan, "Unngh." Seeing this, the coated man quickly offered Santa a watch. However, Santa was already in the counterfeiting business, and had thousands of elves to make fake Rolexes for him. He shooed the dealer away. Angry in another lost sale, the coated man struck Santa upside the head with one of his "quality" time pieces. Parts were sent flying about...must've been a cheap watch. The Yorp watches as Santa starts to walk away. Then a thought hits him. Keen was off to search for a cure to save Santa!! His journey will have been a total waste! But what could a Yorp do to help Keen? How could he help Keen now? "I need a phone." Spot said. Santa Claus quickly pulled out a cellphone, and with his prehensile optic nerve, the Yorp dialed 555-KEEN. "Hello?" "Santa Claus is okay. You don't have to get the potion." "WHAT!?! -ow. I've been captured by evil midgets and beaten, don't mind me. Santa Claus is okay? So what was the purpose of my coming here!?!" "To recieve this great call. What was that about evil midgets?" "Evil midgets! They're torturing me! One's screeching in my ear!" "Hey!" Spot called, "Not Yorps! Teensies! Those little midgets from Rayman 2™!" "Oh." "Okay. I'm going to leave now." "Bye Spot. Take care of Santa for me." Spot turned off the phone. "Man," Santa said, "I feel kinda responsible for Keen being out there on that planet. I mean, it was my idea in the first place to come here and have a meeting of the minds." "What were you guys going to be talking about anyway?" "Well, I have a sleigh that runs on reindeer and can circumnavigates the globe. He has a vacuum cleaner powered spaceship that has been to over six planets and attains lightspeed. I figure, with transportation like that, who needs motors?" "OK, well how about we take your sleigh and travel to Rayman 2™? We have to save Keen from the Teensies!" "The Teensies live on Blackrock V" Santa corrected. "Whatever. Lets go" Spot insisted.

Santa and Spot flew to Blackrock V. On their arrival, they heard a loud grunting noise. "What is that?" Santa asked. "It doesn't sound human..." Spot responded. Santa’s sleigh started to rock back and forth, suddenly it turned over and broke into a million chips of wood. The Teensies had destroyed Santa's sleigh!

Meanwhile Keen was still fighting his way out of the dark tunnel. Keen was in the middle of the tunnel fighting a ferocious battle.





Eventually, Keen knew that his index finger (the one that was flicking these Teensies) would get too sore to use, so Keen had to come up with another plan...

*flick flick flick flick flick flick flick flick*

"Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!"

Yes, using eight fingers at a time WAS much quicker, as Keen found out, but there still were a lot of them to fight. "Aw, heck..." Keen said to himself, "I might as well just stomp on them." Keen raised his foot, getting ready to strike a small group of them, when he saw his Vorticon Hyperpistol on a table in the corner. The Hyperpistol would be much more efficient then his foot. Plus, he would enjoy mercilessly blasting them all, without inflicting any pain upon himself. However, before he could grab his gun, a herd of the Teensies gathered themselves up and plowed into Keen. Our hero was knocked off his feet, and he lay at the mercy of the Teensies. They were crawling all over Keen. Several got into his mouth. Teensies, in groups of 200 each, carried Keen back into his jail cell. Then the Teensies in his mouth, who were armed with Laser Pistols, shot wildly in an attempt to get out. One laser beam shot out of Keen's nose and made a hole in the wall...It was at about this point that Keen realized that the situation he was in was just plain disgusting. However, with no means of escape, there wasn't a thing he could do about it... "MOOO!!!" "AAAAAH!!!! Stampeding cow!!!" All of the Teensies who had been pummeling Keen only moments before scattered off in all directions as the cow (who was the one who had said Moo to Keen earlier) appeared out of nowhere. The cow screeched to a halt in front of our Hero as Keen dusted himself off. "MOO." "Thank you very much, cow. I was almost a goner there." "MOO." "Man, if you hadn't of stampeded in like that..." "MOO." "You wouldn't happen to know any language other than bovine, would you?" "MUH-UH." "OK. Well, thanks anyway." Keen walked over to the table and took his weapon back. But how could he find his way through the maze? Suddenly, Keen got an idea. "Hey, cow!" "MOO?" "Come over here!" "MOO!" The cow came over to where Keen was standing. Keen jumped onto the cow. "I can't believe I hadn't thought of this earlier!" he thought. "Cow, ride through that wall!" "MOO!" The cow plunged right into the wall...with Keen riding on it. "Ow!" said Keen, "that REALLY hurt!" But before Keen could say anything more to the cow, it broke through another wall, this one was a meter thick. "And I thought this was a good idea." muttered Keen before fainting onto the cow's back. He sensed, barely, the cow plunging through another dozen walls, then everything went black.

Keen awoke to the soft splashy sound of the cow drooling on him. "Eewww...." whined Keen. It was then he noticed he was outside of the walls of the jail, and that a band of Teensies were coming toward him. Keen he jumped back on the cow. "Run to my ship, cow!" Even a galactic genious makes mistakes sometimes. There were cliffs that needed to be scaled before he could get to the ship. "Woah!" shrieked Keen as The cow began to sing: "Hey Diddle Diddle, the Cat and the Fiddle. The Cow jumped over the-" "I thought you said you couldn't talk." Keen said to the cow. "I did? Hmm...I guess I was wrong. Now where was I? Oh yes...The Cow jumped over the Cliffs. With a Majorly Annoying Kid riding on its back who likes to go out with Spoons...So there!" "Oh, just MOO!" yelled Keen.

Part Three

After five or so minutes, Keen and the cow reached his ship. Keen realized that he still had no way of getting home so he sat down. "Man am I thirsty" he said to himself in a grumpy voice. Suddenly a thought clicked in Keen's head. "I have a cow, and cows have milk. I'll just get my bucket and have a drink!" So Keen rummaged through his ship and finally came out with a smile, he had found his bucket. Our hero had just started to milk this cow when he realized that it was not milk at all that was coming into the bucket. "Hey this is not milk!" he said. Keen was a little disappointed, but his expression soon changed. "This is EVERCLEAR!!!!" With great enthusiasm, Keen continued to milk the cow. "There that's enough." he said. At that moment Santa and Spot walked up. That had been through a great battle with the Teensies. After emerging victorious, Santa and Spot had gone to search for Commander Keen. "Hello Santa," Keen greeted. "I have just milked this cow that, somehow or another, does not give milk but Everclear!" "This is indeed good news, for my ship fell apart back when we came to get you," Santa said. "This is all a bit weird, but let's go before anything else strange happens." Keen filled his ship up with Everclear. And decided that he would keep the cow, knowing it would be useful if Keen ever needed fuel (and it would give his dad free alcohol :). So all four of them flew of in Keens ship, headed for home. They had only gone a few light years when they ran out of gas, again (ed's note: "Is it just me, or should Keen get a tune-up?"). Even worse, the cow was empty! They all decided to land on the nearest planet, and there the cow would replenish its Everclear supply. The place that was chosen for a landing was planet of: Paper.

Keen, Spot, Santa and the cow land on Paper and find a cave. It's dark and drippy inside. Suddenly they hear growls. An almost perfect duplicate of Keen comes over to them. "I am Commander Kenny." he says. "And this is my pet. His name is Korath". Korath looks like a blue yorp. Spot immediately rushed the creature and started fighting him. "These things are evil!" Spot screamed, "They are a genetic experiment! They're illegal! Help me kill it!" Korath ran out of the cave and (amazingly) climbed a tree. Keen turned his head just in time to see Spot shake Korath out of the tree and kill him. But when he turned back to look at his clone, a Zantoff 20K Atomic Defuser ray gun was looking him in the face, followed by a seemingly mirror image of himself with an evil smirk on it. Keen watched his untimely demise approach as the Defuser's Kinetic Energy Allcolators began to glow brighter and brighter and as a gradually increasing whine came from within them. Keen Shut his eyes tightly. Thankfully though, Commander Kenny wasn't in a killing mood. He grabbed Keen with an ironlike grip. "Your Yorp killed mine. Come with me to the Council Table to reveal your fate!" "Boy this guy has to brush his teeth," Keen thinks.

At the Council Meeting, Keen seemed to get off easy. "Commander Keen, you stand guilty of the murder of Commander Kenny's Yorp. You will now have to make a choice. You will have to either serve a lifetime jail sentence, or, if you're bloodthirsty like us, you may challenge Commander Kenny to a duel to the death. However, keep in mind that 847 have tried to do vain. Brewhahahahahaha!" Keen quickly made his decision. He jumped at Kenny! But Kenny speedily moved of the way, causing Keen fell flat on his face. Kenny started kicking him shouting, "You'll never beat me!" Keen took his Hyperpistol from his pocket, and shot Kenny with it. But even though Kenny still lived, a shout rang out: "He killed Kenny!!!!"

The yells continued to ring out, "Kill Kenny! Kill Kenny!" the Council shouted. Keen was getting sick of all the yelling, so he blasted a couple of shouts into Kenny, finishing him off. "You're all are in for a big surprise!" Keen told the Council, "Take a look at this!" he said as he pulled out his new gun...THE LIFE DESTROYER. "DIE SCUM!!!" Keen yelled as he began to blast the Council.


"Wow that got them all!" Keen said. He ran back to his ship. The cow had become very fat from eating the nutrient rich grass. Keen pushed and shoved the cow back into the ship, where Santa got all the fuel they needed. "Lets go, I got the fuel!" Santa yelled.

They set off. Half-way home, Santa had a shocking revelation to tell them all: "I feel sick..."

Part Four

Little did our adventurers know, two Koraths had sneaked onto the ship during the mis-adventures with Kenny. They had gone into the engine and chewed up all of the wires and then hidden in Keen's backpack. While in the cockpit Keen's computer suddenly shuts off in front of him. The ship falls out of hyperspace. Keen goes into the engine room to see what's wrong. As he enters the room he sees the mayhem the Korath had caused. While in there he sees a message. It reads: "You will not escape from the Koraths." Keen rushed back to the cockpit. "I'm taking her down," he tells his passengers, "We've had a, ugh, technical problem." Commander Keen begins to fly the ship down to the surface of Korath III.

As they land, they are met by a horde of 300 Koraths. "Bad planet..." Keen mutters. Suddenly, one of the Koraths yells: "KILL KEEN! KILL KEEN! KILL KEEN!" Thousands more join the original Koraths, enter in the chant, and surround Keen, Santa and Spot (the cow had stayed on the ship as he could no longer fit trough the cockpit window). The Koraths whipped out their Ray Guns and pointed them at Santa. "We will take chubby until you get the blue diamond of Vorticon VI," They said. "B-b-but, what about Christmas?" Santa asked. "You won't get any presents!" He is promptly ignored. The second biggest Korath Keen had ever seen beckons to our adventurers and says, "Come with me." They are led into a large chandeleired room. The other Koraths follow. Inside the room is the biggest live Yorp the party had ever seen. Spot immediately ran up to the huge creature saying, "Forp! Brother you are here!!!" All of the Koraths turned towards Spot. "You must become our Prince then!" they shouted. Spot refused. "Then you shall prepare for war!" They screamed. "Are you with me brother?" Spot asked Forp "Of course. I've always hated these pathetic creatures." "Then step on that one!" Spot's brother complied with Spot's wishes. He crushed one Korath and then another, and another. "HAHAHA!" Spot shouted as his brother Yorp (carefully) crushed the Korath guard that was holding Santa prisoner. Keen, Spot, and Santa ran back to the Bean-with-Bacon Megarocket (that had been fixed by the ever useful cow) and shot off the planet, back towards home.

Unfortunately, as he navigated through the Sol system, Keen hit an asteroid orbiting in the belt between Jupiter and Mars (ed's note: "Don't these guys ever get a break?".

The ship crashed inside the asteroid. "Oh, dang!" said Keen, "Why has my luck been so bad these days?" Keen, Santa & Spot stepped out of the ship (the cow once again stayed behind to fix a few dents on the inside of the Bean-with-Bacon). "LOOK!" cried Keen "A secret entrance in the rock!"


The door slid open. A short, dark figure walked out, hissing when he breathed as if he had asthma. "IT'S DARTH VADER!!!" Screamed Santa Claus. "No," said Keen, "Too short. He looks familiar somehow..." The dark figure came closer, it had started to rasp even harder now. "HSSSS...COUGH...HSSSS...COUGH..." The mask popped up, revealing a tiny man with glasses. "I Can't breathe inside that thing!" he exclaimed. "It's Dark Helmet," said Spot, "From SPACEBALLS™!" Stating the obvious. "Where ARE your spaceballs?" asked Keen "Right behind me." said Dark Helmet, flipping the mask back on. "You make one wrong move, and I'll have them come out and destroy you...or better yet, I'll destroy you myself with the Shwartz!!!"

At that moment, four more ships crashed into the asteroid. In one was princess Vespa and her droid. In another was King Roland and the Royal Guard. In the third was "Sleeping Beauty," and in the fourth is Lone Starr, Barf, and Yogurt. "This is just too convenient!" rasped Dark Helmet. He stepped forward, fully planning on using his Cracker-Jack box schwartz to cut off everyone's head. Keen had to think fast. He took a stick of lip-chap out of his pocket, opened the lid, and pretended like it was a schwartz as well. "Try and match your shwartz against MY weapon! Ha ha ha!" he said to Helmet. Dark Helmet knew he couldn't battle an invisible sword (which is what Keen appeared to have), so he threw his shwartz down. "Drat." he said. "You win again. But mark my words Commander Keen, if you ever try to cross my path in any of my other movies, I'll shrink you smaller than an ANT!!" With that, Dark Helmet stormed off.

Keen then sat there, bewildered at what had started as a simple quest, but had become much, much more. As he turned to go back home and escape this madness, he slipped on the schwartz Dark Helmet had dropped. Our hero suddenly broke out in what seemed to be an endless dance sequence to regain his balance. Suddenly, Keen's attempts came to an abrubt hault, as Billy Blaze, the alter-ego of Commander Keen-Defender of Earth, fell flat on his face.


In a vortex of faces and names from his quest, Billy awoke in his bed on a cold Winter Day. "Whew, It was all a crazy dream," he said confidently. "Billy!" his mother yelled up to his room, "Come down here. It's Christmas Morning!" As Keen was opening his presents, his mother and father went to the kitchen to prepare breakfast; leaving him and Spot to open the rest of their gifts. Keen saw a large box, semi-hidden behind the Christmas Tree with his name on it. Him and Spot quickly unwrapped the gargantuan present. When Keen and Spot opened the lid, 500 Teensies jumped out and assaulted them. Keen quickly closed the door to the kitchen (where his mom and dad were) and locked it. This would be too bad for them to see. Keen stood up and grinned maliciously. "So now, my little Teensies, what shall I do with you?" Keen reached the broom that was laying against the wall. He got up and swept the Teensies into the dust pan. One by one the Teensies were being swept up into the dirty dust pan. After all the Teensies were swept into the dust pan, Keen opened the trash lid and emptied the dust pan. He tied the garbage bag shut, and went outside put it on the side of the street for the garbage pickup. "What about mom and dad?" He ran inside to let his mom and dad open the rest of their presents. When he got back outside, the garbage can was gone! He suddenly fell flat on his face. This was not because of his normal clumsiness. He had been hit from behind by a trashcan. The Teensies jumped out and assaulted keen. So Keen was all covered by the Teensies. They wrapped him up in gozz and took him into the garage in the backyard of Keen's home. They moved a block from the cement floor and walked down a flight of stairs to a cellar underneath the garage. They unwrapped him and put him in a Teensy cell.

So Keen sat down. After the Teensies had left the room keen took out his lock pick an picked the look, "click!" went the lock. Now being free from his cage he walked up the stairs, "this suck’s!" Keen thought as he noticed that the block was covering the way out, "Guess I will just have to find another way out." Keen thought as he realized that he was not strong enough to move the block out of the way. Keen turned around and headed back down the steps….

Keen ran down the stairs and a bright light shone in his face. The Teensies were trying to blind Keen. They rushed at him, but Keen with his hands covering his eyes stepped onto some Teensies and over some of them. He then ran to end of the hallway with 500 Teensies running after him...

Suddenly, all the Teensies died, with no apparent reason.

After analyzing the teensies with his equipment in the BwB rocket, Commander Keen discovers the teensies have been infected with the deadly yorp virus. And not only this, but him and his whole family have been infected, also. Commander Keen immediatly runs to his pet Yorp. It is looking rather yellow and is caughing up blood yorp fluids that Commander Keen doesn't want to know about!

"Spot, what's wrong with you?" "I've been feeling a little woozy ever since our first encounter with Santa. I think I'm allergic to people who don't exist."

Santa? Doesn't exist? How could that be true?

"Are you sure, Spot? I mean, Santa must exist!" "Believe me!" "But, but what about..." "Just zip it! There is a medicine on my home planet, please go get it!" Keen looks at his BwB Megarocket and an idea popped into his mind! "You're right! But I need your special check card to go...because I need to buy it, right?" "It's in my doghouse...." Keen reaches in and finds the card. "Hurry........"

A thought enters Keens head what if this was not Spot but a fake, Keen takes a closer look at Spot and sees that he is a little off color and his voice is in a different pitch, "hmmm" Keen thought. "this is not Spot," Keen pulls out his gun takes aim and says "who are you!?" Keen questioned in a very angry voice. "I, I Ummm!" Spot the Fake responds in disbelief. Keen pulls the trigger BLAMMMMMMMM!!!! Blood rushes over the ground with a shiny reflection of the sky. "That’s one big mess! He, he take that you little impostor!" keen says with a smirk on his face. "Now where could Spot be?" keen says with a worried look. Keen ran around the yard and finally finds him asleep behind the tree that is by his club house, keen shakes Spot awake. "Are you okay, what happened?" keen asked. "Jussttttt…. Givveee mee a, a minuttte." Spot says in a weak voice. As Spot regains his strength keen head is filled with several questions (who was the Yorp that he killed a minute ago, and is his parents really his parents?)

"I think this is a coool topic!!!"

"Who said that?" asked Keen as he whirled around. "I did." "WHAT? You cyberdudes aren't allowed in my story!" "So?" "GET OUT!" "Sheesh... I'm going..." Keen turned back around. "Spot, who was that yorp I just killed?" "that was Gornkuyomkippurshipmunkthesquirrellything." "Gornkuyomkippurshipmunkthesquirrellything? Who's he?" "My evil twin... his friend... BKR... must... be... killed... or this... didn't do... any... goo.... good." With that, Spot sighed and went into a coma.

"Spot!" Spot laid on the ground motionless, and his head drooped and his little eye shut close and as before he went into the coma he muttered: Portiron VII. "Portiron VII!" Keen shouted

Keen rushed to the BwB Megarocket and blasted off from earth. He blasted out of the solar system into the Ovalion IX System and landed on the planet in which Spot had pointed out....

The planet was barren and desolate it had (thorn bushes, tall cliffs, and a dead silence that seamed to cling to you like a leach.) Commander Keen looked through his view screen, he only saw what looked like a small winding path that led through the tall cliffs that were all around him. Keen grabbed a spare gun off the control panel that was in front of him, he then swung around in his chair and said "Well I might as well go." Keen jumped out of his ship and headed for the path. "UGG!" Keen said as he climbed over a big rock that was in his way. Keen could see a clearing up ahead, when he reached the clearing he stopped and looked to see what there was (there was a big mansion made of brick and no sign of life anywhere). Keen stepped out into the opening and headed to the door. BANG! BANG! Went the door when Keen knocked, a few seconds past then the door swung open to reveal wide room with a big chair in the middle with a Yorp sitting in it. "Well, well Mr. Keen welcome to Portiron VII!" said BKR. "I have a few questions for you, do you mind?" Keen asked. "Not at all! Just ask!" BKR responded. "Why infect me and my family with a virus!?" Keen questioned. "How about I just explain it from the beginning. I was paid by the mighty Arglofe to kill you, so I came up with the idea to make a phony Yorp-virus then, I planted Spot the Fake to pose as your Yorp and lead you to believe that a cure could be found on mars, where I planted a trap." Answered BKR. "How come the Teensies had the virus too?" Keen asked. "There is no threat from the virus, you have it for a few days then it goes away they just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time." Said BKR. "why was Spot sick?" Keen asked. "It was the only way I could be sure you would get the virus, Spot was in the last stages of the virus and that just happens to be the worst, he would have been fine in half an hour." Answered BKR. "What dose the Arglofe want with me?" Keen asked with a perplexed look. "That is not for you to know but now I must leave you for a little while…HE HEE!" said BKR with a grin. "Leave??….what the %#&$?" BANGGGG!!! A cage fell on top of Commander Keen.

On the way out BKR came up to Keen and gave him a dead Teensie and a dead Korath. Here's your dinner. Keen threw them back out and shot them with the blaster of his he found lying outside the cage. BKR had barely left so when the dead creatures blew up, parts of the dead creatures hit BKR causing a chain reaction. He blew up and because of a strange fluid in his body, it blew up the whole cabin too which blew away the whole cabin, and cage along with it.

Fortunately Keen's Anti-Explod-O belt protected him from the blast, and he stepped out of the wreckage with only a few bruises. He got back in the Bean-with-Bacon Megarocket and set a course for Mars to find out who or what this Arglofe was and what they wanted with him (and then blow them into itty bitty pieces).

Keen got in BWB and on the way to Mars there was a Meteor field on the way. Keen crashlanded into one of them and came across a horde of mutant yorps. Their leadeer shouted out. "why have you come" "I crashlanded here and i need my ship repaired." Suddenly a huge ship came into view and landed on the metiorite. The whole horde shouted "It's the mother!!!"

A big fat yorp with an apron stepped out of the ship. "Mother!" the horde cried.

The mommy cries out "I think I'm going to cook you guys your favorite dish." "Yeah!"

"But what is your favorite dish?" she asked. "Fried Commander Keens!" the horde chorused. So the mother picked up Commander Keen and dropped him in a pot and started sprinkling horseradish on him.

One of the Yorps: "Hey wait, we only have one Commander Keen! That isn't enough to go around!" In the chaos and bickering that ensues, Keen slips quietly away...

With the smell of horseradish on him all creatures near and far came to see what it was. One of them being the repair creature who loves horseradish came. Keen told him about how he crashlanded here. The repair man offered a trade. The repair of keen's ship for the horseradish left on his body.

Keen obliged and after the Yorp ate the horseradish and fixed the BWB, Keen jumped into the ship, waved goodbye and blasted off towards the Mars. A light shone from the surface of the red planet. Keen wondered.....

Keen decided that it looked evil and shot a super missile at it. he immediately realized that looks aren't everything. he quickly shot a super dooper missile at his super missile. they collided and exploded. twenty minutes later, keen landed by the lights. he gasped in amazement. they were cows that were glowing in the dark! "Something fishy around here" he thought.

It looked like the cows were feeding on glow in the dark yorps. Wait no! They were kicking glow in the dark yorps who were spitting out glow in the dark beetles. The cows then would kick the yorps into a huge tob were the yorps would stop being glow in the dark. Keen walked to the other side of the herd and saw a machine flinging normal yorps threw a purple-clear barier. When the yorps go through the barier they turn glow in the dark. Keen thought he had to put a stop to this because the yorps in the tub looked very sick. He walked through the barier to get to the machine. He turned glow in the dark himself. He walked back out. He wasn't glowing anymore. It appeared that the only way to get through without going through the barier was heavily guarded with mutant yorps. He decided to go the glowing way. He went in and shot the machine with his blaster. Nothing happened. Then two mutant yorps ran up and grabbed keen on the shoulders. He killed them with his blaster and took theirs. He then shot the machine. These were stonger so he was able to blow up the left end but only the left end. There was a hole and he walked inside.

suddenly the machine blew up and Keen was killed.

But then Keen realized he had daydreamed. The machine had not really exploded. He continued. He saw a great whirling mass. He hopped in. He began to glow, brighter than a lightbulb. Suddenly a mutant yorp walked in. Skrok! Groog reek flack! Smok stum sud bog! He shouted. He entered the room, but then sshriveld and died. Keen sighed with relief. HE saw an off switch. HE had to decide whether or not to save the yorps. Welll, perhaps they will give me a reward.

Commander Keen realized that he was hallucinating and was now still orbiting mars. then he looked out of the window. HE WAS NOT ORBITING MARS! He was diving towards it a full speed! he hit the ejection lever...

and it froze! Keen pulled on it again, and still it wouldn't budge. Keen tried to steer the ship upward to avert danger, but it was to no avail, the controls wouldn't work. Hurriedly keen reached behind him and hit the secret button he had for emergencies such as this. As he pressed the big button (with the word PANIC! written on it) the internal lighting of the ship shifted as it went into PANIC mode. The cockpit was filled with an erie red glow which accentuated keen's fear as he watched Mars rush towards him. The PANIC mode had just begun to take affect. All unnecessary functions were shut down. The wings contracted inward, and a few hundred meters in front of the ship light was being bent around a gravitational rift. The PANIC mode had focused all internal energy on forming a rift in space time, to completely halt the ship's movement and to allow keen repair time while within a blanket of time that made hours of repairs possible in minutes. As the ship rushed towards the rift it was knocked off course by some unseen object. The ship began to spin out of control, and when it hit the rift only the cockpit connected. Parts of the ship were jarred out of place, and the ship was only slowed minutely, and continued it's wild downward descent with even more vigor. Meanwhile, not far very away - The huge ship loomed over Mars. It had watched the strange vessle's orbit from it's distant vantage point. It was recording data on the ship's design when suddenly the ship was hit by a large blue energy blast. The blast enveloped the small ship and the huge ship began a scan to see where the shot had originated. The shot's source was a large Gorginnian cruiser. On it's hull was painted "Cold Bringer" - and it had been hiding under the shadow of Phobos - one of Mar's moons. The scout ship which had been scnning the area sent back a transmission to it's ship of origin with information on the surrounding area coupled with details on the small ship and the cruiser. The transmission was soon followed up with a recommendation to try to help the small ship, and to disable the cruiser. Just as the second message had been sent another shot flew from the cruiser and hit the ship - something had to be done!

Suddenly Keen's life started flickering from hurtling towards Mars to inside the whirl in the machine. Keen became so confused that he finally fell unconcious. He woke up in a gray world and stood up. About ten more keens walked towards him. They said "You have the parallel-universe disease. What is happening is that you are getting transported to different universes for some reason. When you get that you get transported here. It seems to be a high time for us keens to be getting this disease. Oh look, there's the potion master who finished the medicine for us. Drink it and you will be transported to a random universe. Who knows what will be happening." Keen drinks it...

Suddenly Keen warped into a universe unknown to anybody.Or did he? Could he be on a planet unknown to many any species? He pinched himself. He wasn't dead, or dreaming....

It had been so long, Keen was on... Earth!


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